(via powerpancakes)
(via powerpancakes)
wow
thats deep. looks like there ain’t many boys that are actually in love.
this is the cutest thing ever.
new years
new years resolution list-
1) lose weight (for real, this time its abt sustained perseverance and the mentality to maintain a current state of emptiness in the long run)
2) be calm and at peace with myself. try to pray everynight and thank my blessings
3) have more discipline in every aspect of my life, with regards to work and socially.
4) be more responsible, learn to think about others and not only for myself
5) learn to cherish the people around me and not be so impatient with those who really care about me,
6) break up
Sitting here crouching tight under the duvet with my toes curled up trying to gather up any ounce of warmth I can. I try and surmount all the determination in myself to not break out into a flood of whiney tears-just because I am cold shivering and without anything to occupy myself with.
I find it hard to make decisions at times
Why I contemplate so much over simplest actions baffle me. I don’t know who I am and what I feel anymore, its like I’ve spun up an intricate web of emotions picking those which I choose to want to display without letting how I truly feel come through.
Its days like this when I feel remotely disgusted at myself. How obese I’ve become, how casual I take the upkeeping of my appearances to matter, how lacklustre I have become in my sexual relationship with the bf- my life is just not what I thought it would be.
And then I think to myself, will I be able to revert all of this?
i found this from my xanga awhile back, such confusion having a tumblr, a xanga and even a livejournal lol
some names for my future child if ever it were a girl >
1) kiara
2) sosha
3) tara
4) soka
5) tasha
if you’re gonna fall in love with me-
it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.
You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.
But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.”
peace
somehow i find myself turning back to the good old days when blogging was carthartic. i guess its a phase, which i float in and out of. i’ve made a decision to be back in london three weeks earlier than i was meant to, three weeks less of the heat and the pleasure of just basking in the sun for him. honestly im well scared of whats gonna happen after the next year, i dont want to let go as much as he doesnt want to let go but im afraid of letting it show because in the end it might not even be an option.
the restlessness of uncertainty just plays on my heart. its like this ningling feeling behind everything i do. but for now first things first, a diet plan is impertinent for me to lose at least five kg before the 30th of august.
